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The Visitor |
Draft one: done and done
Finally.
Draft one complete.
And I'm still not telling.
Yet...
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1.9.05 11:20
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The Nightmares Are Back
What's a man gotta do to get some sleep around here?
Last night was weird. Super weird. Three nightmares in a row, each waking me up in the middle of the night, each pissing me off and depriving me of a good nights sleep. I can even remember the first one because it felt so real.
There I was, leaving work, walking to my car. Except it wasn't my car. I drove to work in my ex's car. Along the way the clubs were already starting up their nights of excess and hookers littered the streets and I couldn't find her car.
She was gonna kill me.
It wasn't where I parked it. I double checked and triple checked. I walked up and down the entire area, maybe I parked it somewhere else.
But it's gone. It's gone, and she's gonna scream and shout and berate and belittle me like she did all those times before. She's gonna make me feel two inches tall and I'm gonna take it like a little bitch because I had no idea how to stand up for myself when I was with her.
I press the button of the car alarm. Nothing.
Nada.
Zip. Zit. Zero.
The biiiig goose egg.
The hookers hassle me, the lights strobe my eyes and the panic floods over me like fire ants, nipping and biting and stinging me throughout.
I won't get out of this alive.
I'm dead.
I'm gonna lose.
I'm... hang on. I'm not going out with her anymore, am I?
And with that I woke up in my bed at 3am, tense and alert, coiled spring, wondering what the fuck is going on in my head that it thought to bring that up.
The rest of the night wasn't any better. Dreams of dodgy alleyways in London, femme fatales who'd be the death of me, department stores from hell and evil fleshy bits.
I don't like the fleshy bits.
By the time morning came I was dead tired. I hadn't had any proper sleep at all and moma cat was dying for attention.
Dear God, let me sleep.
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2.9.05 04:31
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So I was writing my CV today...
...what an inane fucking task that was.
God, it's been so long since I wrote a CV I almost forgot what one looked like. To top it all off, I don't have my old CV (or my old portfolio of made up ads, for that matter) saved anywhere. Probably at home. I think. I hope.
It's weird, though. Reading all your supposed 'accomplishments' and lists of 'experience' and 'skills' can elicit one of three reactions:
"Goddamn, I'm pretty badass!"
"Goddamn, I haven't done shit in 4 years!"
"Goddamn, I can bullshit like a motherfucker!"
I'm feeling a cocktail of the three.
I also pulled off the faux-pas of the day by describing a talent of mixed nationality as a 'mix-breed'. I just kinda blurted it out.
But what a wonderful mix-breed she was. 20 years old, Malay/Euro combo, a cross between Katie Holmes and Siti Nurhaliza. We have a video of her doing the hair flick thing repeatedly, shot from behind as she smiles at us over the shoulder. Lovely figure, pretty eyes, gorgeous smile and yes, baby got back.
Next to us, one of the art directors had numerous CV's and body shots of dozens of Chinese female talents. Some of the poses were also very enticing in the Southern regions.
A colleague noticed the video and recognized her. Aparently she's married.
How evil.
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2.9.05 09:06
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Damn you, Albert...
...why'd you have to go and put it up on your blog?! Now I've read it and even though I'm not that superstitious cosidering the fact that I'm gonna try and make a movie I need all the help I can get.
You are evil, Albert, and I shall tweak your nipples next time I see you.
Sigh... let's get on with it, then:
(1) Put the following 5 animals in the order of your preference:
Cow, Tiger, Sheep, Horse, Pig
(2) Write one word that describes each one of the following:
Dog, Cat, Rat, Coffee, Sea
(3) Think of someone, who also knows you and is important to you, which you can relate them to the following colors. Do not repeat your answer twice. Name just one person for each color:
Yellow, Orange, Red, White, Green.
(4) Finally, write down your favorite number, and your favorite day of the week.
Oh, enough with the suspense...
Your priorities in life are
career (cow), pride (tiger), love (sheep), family (horse), money (pig)
2) Your description of dog implies your own personality. Your description of cat implies the personality of your partner. Your description of rat implies the personality of your enemies. Your description of coffee is how you interpret sex. Your description of the sea implies your own life
3) Yellow: Someone you will never forget. Orange: Someone you consider your true friend. Red: Someone that you really love. White: Your twin soul. Green: Someone that you will remember for the rest of your life
4) You have to send this message to as many persons as your favorite number and your wish will come true on the day that you recorded
This is true, even if you are not superstitious. Please do this. It is fascinating. SEND THIS E-MAIL MANTRA TO AT LEAST FIVE PERSONS AND YOUR LIFE WILL IMPROVE.
0-4 persons: Your life will improve slightly
5-9 persons: Your life will improve to your liking
9-14 persons: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next three weeks 15 or more persons: Your life will improve drastically and all that you wish will come true
Ok, chain mail gods, are you listening? I wish for NO PROBLEMS whatsoever with my upcoming shoot, from pre-production all the way through to it's screening and onwards. Please. I'd be very grateful.
I mean, come on, I just used up a post in my blog to reach a bunch of people. It's gotta count for something, right?
...what do you mean, it's 'cheating'?
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2.9.05 09:26
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Ciplak
Did you know that Malaysia is the number one exporter of pirated optical disc products in the world?
Did you know that the reason why a number of films come out in England much later than in the US is because Hollywood thinks of the U.K. as a secondary market?
Jo knows this. And like many other Malaysian students studying abroad, everytime Jo comes back to uni in London he brings with him DVD's of movies the UK won't see for a good few months.
Most Malaysian students bring these pirated DVD's for personal pleasure.
Some Malaysian students bring these pirated DVD's to sell to their classmates.
Jo brings them to sell to bootlegger's in East London for 50 quid a pop. They copy them and sell them on the black market.
It's Jo's last day in KL for his Easter holidays before returning back for his last term in City University. He's ready for the big score. He's got the buyer waiting. He's got it all planned.
If only he knew there'd be a raid.
You read it here first. Draft one is complete and in the midst of a rewrite. Shooting begins on October 1st by hook or by crook. Anybody nick this and I'll feed you to the fricking leeches. These posts are dated on servers in the UK and I'll sue you, America-style.
However, if you'd like to help out or audition or by some twisted miracle want to give me money to produce this movie that will almost definitely be banned, let me know.
(c)Copyright 2005 Khairil M. Bahar. All Rights Reserved.
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4.9.05 11:20
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Cocksmoking Bribery
So last Friday a colleague of mine went out for drinks with other colleagues. For blogging's sake, we'll call her 'Maria'.
When one of the colleagues left early he called back and warned the others at the bar that one of the roads in KL had a roadblock. Maria, tipsy as she was, completely forgot and made her way down that same road later that night.
The cops pulled her over.
One quick check on a breathalyser test and the cops had proof that she was driving under the influence. One of the cops stepped into the car. The cop did the usual schtick, telling her what the penalty was, buying time until Maria would ask the question.
Maria knew what question he was waiting for. Finally she asked,
"Sir, is there any way we can work this out?"
The cop looked around, made sure they were in a dark area and asked her in not so many words to,
"Suck my dick."
I'm serious.
Now, Maria's quite a cute looking little hottie and let's face facts, the cops here are about as law abiding as the citizens, but this is genuinely fucked up. And if you think about it, if a cop would even ask that question then wouldn't that imply that he's had his dick sucked many times before by young females slightly tipsy clubbers on their way home from Zouk trying to get out of an overnight stay in jail?
'Bad Lieutenant', anyone?
And have you ever seen a Malay cop? They're not exactly hunks-a-burning-love. Let's put it this way: they're obviously eating well and the term 'handlebars' often springs to mind. Immediately followed by 'grease'.
Maria was shocked as shit. She kept saying no, the cop kept asking her to. She kept refusing so the cop changed tactics.
"How about a kiss, then?"
Maria said no. And no and no. Out of curiosity, she asked for how long.
"20 seconds."
"Eww...! Why does it have to be so long?!"
"Because I want our tongues to spend some time together in each others mouths."
"EWWWWW!!!"
Finally, he accepted cash.
I am intensely curious as to how many young females have sucked a cops dick to get out of trouble...
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5.9.05 03:52
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The Parent Factor
So I had lunch with my parents today. My father had been calling me almost every night just to see how I was and I assume it's because everytime I come home they're asleep and everytime I wake up they've already left for work. I figured lunch would put them both at ease.
Besides, I had something to discuss with them. I had always felt that my script-writing and filmmaking was a taboo subject that I had to keep hidden from them. I'd have nightmares of them seeing one of my films in horror of the language and subject matter before turning to me and screaming,
"how dare you right this FILTH!? Begone! Begone, I say!"
Strangely, it turned out quite the contrary.
We went to Italliani's at Cosway (excellent meatballs) and I introduced them to the owner, Gino. Then, to business. I explained what short films I had done and what my upcoming movie was about. I told them what happens in the movie. I told them about the subject matter. I told them it would probably get banned.
My mom agreed,
"It's all politics, they probably will ban it."
Then she said,
"Let me guess. You use the word 'shit' a lot in it, don't you?"
"Well," I replied, "I stayed away from the f-word."
But here's the thing: they did not once look dissaproving, or overly concerned, or angry or worried. I could be mistaken, but I think there was a semblance of pride in their smiles. Regardless, they did give the impression that they would not intrude, not interrupt or try to steer me otherwise. They seemed to... accept it.
That was weird.
So I've cast them in the movie. They'll play the parents, who were based on them to begin with so it shouldn't be too much of a stretch.
Although now I have to adjust their scenes in the schedule because they're flying off to Geneva on holiday (to my mom, it's holiday. To my father, it's work).
Full steam ahead.
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5.9.05 10:36
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Vomit & Candy
Have you seen 'Lords of Dogtown'? Everybody I know who's seen it think it's kick ass.
Unfortunately, I've only seen thirty minutes of it. The shakey-handheld-skating-tracking shots of skaters skating very fast up and down slopes was way too much for my girlfriend to handle on the big screen. We made our way to the exit and her waffles made their way back up her throat.
Looks like I'm gonna have to buy the DVD.
Later on in the day we made our way back to the cinema to watch what she originally wanted to see in the first place, "Charlie & the Chocolate Factory", to which I still have no opinion. The dark bits seemed cool yet slightly out of places.
The Oompa Loompa's were pretty kickass, though.
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6.9.05 08:32
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Cast, Motherfucker.
Things are going well so far on the casting front. For the sake of simplicity and to minimize possible ego-trips on the part of the actors I'm only using people I know so far and I doubt I'll need to audition anyone for now.
The flip-side of the coin is that since I haven't auditioned the cast I don't know whether they'll do a good reading. Although that's not too much of a worry. I casted people based on their personality and look in relation to the character.
No, Nazneen, that does not mean I think you're a bitch.
So far, most of the primary cast have agreed. Still gotta schedule the bugger, though.
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7.9.05 03:58
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Lightbulb jokes for Ad-peeps
Non-ad peeps might not get it, but I think they're fucking hillarious:
q: How many account directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
a: How many would the client like it to take?
q: How many art directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
a: Fuck off, I'm not changing a goddamn thing.
Taken from the novel 'e' by Matt Beaumont which my group head just passed to me and I reckon is the funniest fucking book I've read in a while.
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8.9.05 04:27
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